Keys to Building a Solid Relationship Before You Fall in Love


In the early stages of a relationship, many relationships meet with misfortune, often because of the rashness of the beginning. When our understanding of each other remains superficial and passion recedes, patience and tolerance cease, and a breakup becomes an inevitable end.

In fact, there are a number of topics that need to be talked about openly with each other before entering into a stable and growing relationship. For Chinese living overseas, some issues are particularly sensitive. Many uncontrollable factors are like landmines planted in advance, and it is better to eliminate them before the relationship starts, rather than worrying that they will explode at an unspecified time during the relationship.

First, the concept of marriage

Need to understand each other’s views:

How to view marriage?
Whether you want to get married?
Think how long the relationship is suitable for marriage?
What is the ideal marriage partner like?
Everyone has a different attitude towards relationships and marriage. While the ultimate goal of most people’s relationships may be to get married, never assume that the significant other around you feels the same way. Years of relationship may end up in a stalemate if the two are not on the same pace.

Second, the way of communication

Need to understand each other:

Are you used to actively expressing or repressing your emotions?
Are willing to listen to each other to share things that have nothing to do with them?
In the face of disagreement, is there a tendency to argue, rational communication or remain silent?
As independent thinking individuals, people will always see things differently and deal with them differently. In a relationship, how you express yourself, let the other person understand and deal with conflict will determine the quality and depth of your communication.

Role Assignment

Need to understand each other:

Do you like to take care of or be taken care of?
Do they advocate the traditional male-dominated female-dominated model?
Or advocate gender equality?
How to allocate rights and responsibilities in different situations?
In relationships, there is no standard answer to the allocation of roles between men and women, and no two couples get along in exactly the same way. Before falling in love, understanding each other’s perceptions of gender roles and differences, as well as the expectations of different genders in intimate relationships, will help to establish informed expectations.

IV. Family of origin

Need to get to know each other:

How is the relationship with the parents?
What was the upbringing and family atmosphere like?
Is there a willingness to build a good relationship with the other person’s family?
What are the parents’ expectations of their future partner?
Family of origin is a part of us that we cannot choose or change. In a way, they shape our behavior, way of thinking and values. Knowing about the other person’s family of origin helps to gain a deeper understanding of their values and way of thinking, helping you to make informed decisions.

V. Family Planning

Need to get to know the other person:

Is there a desire to have children? How many? When?
Is the child willing to learn Chinese? Where will they be educated?
What are the expectations of sexual life? How to use contraception?
Do you wish to buy a house? Where do you want to buy a house?
While these questions may seem out of reach at the beginning of a relationship, they determine how well you fit together and whether you will be bogged down by irreconcilable conflicts in the future. There are some issues that may be too late to discuss if they are discussed after the marriage.

Sixth, the concept of money

Need to get to know each other:

How are the spending habits? What are you willing to invest in?
Is there a habit of financial management or investment?
If the other half is in financial difficulties, how will it be handled?
How to allocate life’s daily expenses?
Money is a sensitive but not negligible topic. Differences in consumption and money concepts may affect the spiritual level of identity, so whether you can reach a deep level of consensus and satisfaction with the quality of life in the future.

Seven, career planning

Need to understand each other:

What are the future career goals?
Are you considering furthering your education?
Are there plans to relocate or return to work?
What are the plans in the face of visa problems?
Career is an important part of life and can also affect the stability and happiness of a relationship. Especially for overseas Chinese, career changes may involve visa and status issues, as well as situations such as long-distance relationships. Are you prepared to tackle these challenges with each other?

VIII. Life Planning

There is a need to get to know each other:

What are the plans for the next 5 to 10 years?
What is the biggest dream? How to realize?
Are willing to support each other in pursuing their dreams?
Where do you plan to settle or retire? Are you considering returning to your home country?
By understanding each other’s life plans, you can get a sense of whether you have similar pursuits or are very different. Although the future is full of uncertainties, ideals can guide the direction of life and determine whether you will be happy and joyful by pursuing your dreams.

IX. Religious beliefs

Need to understand each other:

Are there religious beliefs?
Do you mind if your significant other’s religious beliefs are different from your own?
Do they try to change the other half’s religious beliefs?
If the beliefs are different, how to deal with the religious education of the children?
Differences in religious beliefs may have an impact in family life. Your willingness to explore each other’s beliefs, or whether your beliefs are very different from each other, may lead to disagreements that cannot be compromised. If you know little about each other’s beliefs, it is even more important to have an in-depth conversation in advance.

X. Political views

Need to understand each other:

How do you view social issues, such as racial discrimination?
Is there tolerance for different political positions?
Is there any attempt to change the political views of the other half?
How to handle possible conflicts if political views differ?
Differences in political views may have various implications in a relationship, varying from person to person. Especially for overseas Chinese, the difference in views may directly affect their identity. Instead of arguing in the future, it is better to express their respective views early and see if a consensus can be reached.

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