Seasons of Love: Understanding the Different Stages of a Relationship

We always want to have someone who is 100% right for us, but such a person doesn’t exist, no one is born for you, and there are no two people in the world who are absolutely right for each other.

Tomatoes and potatoes are two unrelated categories, but when tomatoes turn themselves into ketchup and potatoes turn themselves into French fries, they become a perfect match.

This is just like our love, in the pursuit of love, because by the “halo effect”, how the person in your heart and eyes are perfect, the other party is like a star, always shining bright.

And every love, but also from the first attraction to start, you are attracted to each other’s various flashpoints, so our interpretation of the person is incomplete, because we only see the other side of the good side, but ignored the other side is also an ordinary person, is a human being has shortcomings and imperfections.

And psychologists believe that there is a relative physiological secret behind any love, that is to say, certain substances secreted by the body allow us to deeply feel the full love of the other person, reinforcing the intimacy of each other before.

The four stages of love.

1, the period of passionate love (CoexistenceCoexistence).

The production of phenylethylamine, so that people have a kind of “electric shock” feeling, when you see a beautiful woman, or handsome, will unconsciously deer in the headlights, blushing heartbeat, and then you will feel, this person how so good, this person how to be so good-looking, in fact, this stimulant in the “work”.

When this feeling, continued fermentation, your endocrine will gradually produce dopamine, the more it secretes, the more you will love each other, you also produce a variety of love for this person, want to be close to each other, want to have each other, and will take the initiative to chase each other, so as to fall in love with each other into a sweet.

2, contradictory period (anti-dependence, contradictory latency Contradictory latency)

But phenylethylamine and dopamine have a time limit, with the intimate relationship is getting longer and longer, these two chemicals will continue to decline, you began to rely on each other, this person has been a part of your life, then this time you ushered in the dependency period.

This is the time when endorphins are gradually produced in the body, which not only reduces anxiety, but is also a product of happiness making.

But, as we all know, there are two sides to everything, the more you feel happy, the more you want to hold on to that happiness, endorphins may reduce anxiety, but only just, you start wanting more happiness, you start expecting more from your partner.

You began to fight, from two or three days a big fight, into a daily stumble, you feel that he does not care about you as much as in the beginning, he feels that you are now becoming very unreasonable, but after each argument, you are convinced that the person in front of you is the sweetheart, the idea of breaking up may have flashed, but the real meaning of the separation, none of you can not do it, because you rely on each other, become a habit of each other.

3, the break-up period, (contradictory period Contradictory period)

In this period, because of the reason of oxytocin, will be in love with the couple in the “different categories”.

Because of the production of oxytocin, will allow people to produce a sense of favoritism towards the partner, simply put, it is intimate relationship, can only be TA, must be TA, change the individual, will not allow you to have a feeling of love, so, oxytocin is also become “loyalty hormone”.

But why will the partner “classified” it?

It is because this period is an important stage in the direction of intimacy.

The so-called integration period is, during this period, the partner in the spirit, life, emotional details, there will be a variety of friction and contradictions, and how to deal with, can deal with it, it is necessary to two people to grind each other, if the grinding is not good, may be broken up, if the grinding is successful, will enter the next stage.

This stage is about “feelings”, and because each person’s “feelings” are different, so there will be “implicit love beliefs” differences.

Fatalistic belief: believe in fated love, also expect to meet in life, with their own most matching a person, the feeling is right, this person is really what I want, that no matter what contradictions, can be unswervingly go on, on the contrary, in the grinding, the feeling is not right, then this person may not be what I want, break up has become natural.

Growth belief: very objective, that the world does not exist, for you to set up a good partner, there is no such thing as the right person, and the real right person, is in the intimate relationship, through the grinding, so that the two people continue to grow, and ultimately produce a tacit understanding, to become a soul mate, which is the right person.

Therefore, in the period of bonding, whether the bonding is good or not determines the tendency of the “hidden love belief”, which means that whether the bonding is good or not determines how long your intimate relationship can be maintained.

4. Stabilization (Symbiosis)

If you successfully enter this period, then I have to congratulate you, because you are the most difficult road, have finished, broke through the obstacles, the dawn of victory is also in front of us.

In this period, you have formed a fixed mode of getting along with each other, and you have created a tacit understanding with each other, and you can find comfort and pleasure in each other’s framework, and you are independent and symbiotic with each other, and with each other’s efforts and tolerance and understanding, you have also opened up a new chapter for your love.

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