What to do if you have a crisis of trust with your partner?

Trust takes years to build, but only seconds to destroy. Someone you care about or who cares about you may have done something to hurt you, and that’s when you may have trust issues.

Maybe you even feel like you can’t trust anyone but yourself.

Crisis of trust makes it harder to build lasting and fulfilling relationships. Your endless skepticism may seem like a good way to avoid getting hurt, but it’s irrational and even harmful to those around you.

People don’t like to be questioned all the time, especially if they haven’t done anything at all to deserve it. The common belief is that it’s a no-no to get angry and go on the defensive about accusations, so how can you overcome trust issues so you can build better, stronger relationships?

Trust is the foundation on which we build relationships. When trust doesn’t exist, the relationship is like building on quicksand. Whether you have problems trusting others or they have problems trusting you, a crisis of trust can destroy relationships from the inside out.

Why You Need to Understand Your Trust Issues

If you have trust issues, whether it’s with your partner, your best friend, your parents, or someone else, you need to understand why you have problems.
Sometimes the reason is obvious:they betrayed you in some way. Maybe your partner had an affair, or your best friend told your darkest secret.
But what if your trust issues stem from your past, or simply insecurity? In that case, it’s much more difficult to identify and resolve the problem.
In any case.
You should know how to recognize trust issues so you can fix them before they become unmanageable.

6 Signs You Have Trust Issues
How do you know you really have trust issues? Here are some signs you should look out for.
1.You’re guessing that someone is betraying you without evidence
2 . You’re afraid to get emotionally involved.
3. you see inadvertent behavior as a terrible violation of you
4. you are lonely and isolated
5. you trust too easily
6. you trust people you shouldn’t.

The last two sound counterintuitive, right? Hmmm…
Part of the trust problem is not understanding that others need to earn your trust.
Instead, you give trust blindly because you’ve never learned how to build a truly trusting relationship. When you build a relationship with another person, you never know the difference between trusting them and giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Those who have learned how to build trusting relationships know how to enter those relationships with an open mind.
Remember:Trust and unbiased are two different things.
There’s a difference between trusting someone and believing in them without prejudice.

How to Overcome Trust Issues in Relationships
So, now you know what trust issues are and how to spot them.
How do you learn to trust someone again? Or maybe for the first time?

  • Recognize the problem
    Do you know what caused your trust issues in the first place?
    Did someone you didn’t trust betray you?
    Or did you have trust issues because someone from your past, like your parents or an ex, betrayed your trust?
    Were you taught in the culture you grew up in not to trust anyone but yourself because people are selfish and will always let you down if it benefits them?

Some trust issues are easier to overcome than others.
For example:Your partner cheated on you and you want to stay together, but you don’t know how to trust them again. In this case, you already have half of the knowledge you need. Now you both have to work together to rebuild trust.
But…
If you don’t trust your current partner because your ex cheated on you, this is a difficult issue for you to deal with.
In all cases, you need to know where your trust issues are coming from before you can begin to address them. If you can’t understand the source of your trust issues, it may be helpful to see a psychotherapist who understands trust issues.
A counselor can also help you learn to trust others again.

  • Check your facts.
    Focus on each specific situation where distrust exists. What exactly happened? How did it happen? Did it really happen?
    For example, you suspect your partner is cheating on you. Observe their behavior. Has something changed that they can’t explain?
    Maybe they claim to have been working a lot of overtime lately, but you don’t see it on their paycheck, or you call them at work and they’re not there even though they said they would be. In this case, your suspicions may be valid.But what if their behavior hasn’t changed? What if they always work overtime regularly and their paycheck reflects that, or they always show up where they say they will?
    Now your suspicions may be wrong. If you don’t address your issues, your suspicions will eat away at your relationship from the inside, just like fire eats away at wood.

So check your facts and try to look at them objectively.
Also:Consider talking to someone about your doubts, whether it’s a close friend or relative, or a counselor. Ask them what they think – maybe they can see the facts better than you can.
But before you doubt, consider the facts. You’ll realize that the problem is you, not them.

Communication, empathy and patience are the keys to overcoming trust issues.

Most importantly, you and the person you’re having problems with need to talk. Decreased communication naturally leads to trust difficulties as you seem to know less and less about each other. Lack of knowledge breeds fear.

What do you do?

Ask questions and answer them as honestly and clearly as you can. Tell each other your secrets. Talk about your daily life, even if it means telling them about all the reports you didn’t finish today because you couldn’t stop surfing the Internet.
Discuss your personal priorities. Sometimes you have problems trusting someone because you feel like they don’t care about you anymore. If they don’t care about you anymore, what do they care about?
Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. How would you feel if they didn’t trust you for no reason? How would you feel if they started prioritizing everything in their life except you?

Finally:
Be patient. Be very patient. As we said at the beginning, trust takes years to build. You must be patient with those around you and with yourself. Over time, keeping the lines of communication as open as possible will help you stay patient in the process.
[When you are a destroyer of trust.
What do you do when you’ve broken someone’s trust?
(Take a good, long look in the mirror.) First, look at yourself.
Imagine looking at yourself in the mirror while asking yourself why you did what you did. You need to know yourself in order to communicate effectively with the person you betrayed and to change your behavior.
The truth is, if you want to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone, then even if they end the relationship, you still need to change your thinking and behavior.

How?
By consistently acting in a trustworthy manner, you can build and regain trust.
This means:You can’t lie, cheat, steal, betray, or otherwise break their trust. You come home when you say you will. Call when you say you will. Make yourself an honest person.
Even if their feelings hurt you, understand how they feel and give them the time and space they need. Do what you say you will do.
Exhibiting trustworthy behavior means being completely honest with yourself and with others. And it doesn’t mean you have to cover your tracks better (and don’t lie to yourself, if you’ve been doing that).
Apologize to them and yourself

Trying to make amends is never a bad idea.
The words “I’m sorry” sound hollow if you don’t act on them, but there’s no harm in apologizing. If you really want to fix your relationship, it’s best to start with a sincere apology.
Also:Try to avoid punishing yourself. Most likely, you’re angry with yourself, but punishing yourself won’t help. If you say : “I hate myself. I’m angry at myself. I torture myself for it.” That won’t help either.
First, if your efforts are sincere, they already know you’re mad at yourself.
Second, it’s a guilt trip. Whether you meant to or not, when you tell them how bad you feel for hurting them, they’ll hear, “So I don’t need you to make me feel worse.”
Don’t take the focus off of them and their pain like that, even if it means you have to suppress every “I hate myself so much” thought.
How long it takes to regain trust

The betrayal was your doing; you caused the pain, so you don’t get to say, “When are you going to trust me again? It’s been six months.”
That’s not how it works.
This is an area where they need to be given space and patience. You’ve broken their trust, so you should do everything you can to help them rebuild it. Even if that sometimes means taking a step back or swallowing your feelings that this is taking too long.
With time, patience, and care, you can work through trust issues and build a better relationship!
No matter what happens, you can learn to trust others and can regain the trust you had lost.
Trust issues are hard to deal with and even harder to resolve. It’s easier to build a high wall than to let someone in – after all, who wants to get hurt?
But when you have these issues, you won’t be able to have meaningful, healthy relationships with anyone. You’ll end up alone, without close friends and family, and without the romantic relationships you might want.
And let’s be honest, no one wants that. Learn to trust. In the long run, you’ll be happier for it.

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