What can partners do to provide comfort in their relationship

Between two people, there are millions of ways to get along with each other, if you are in front of a person, you can rest assured to do their own, do not have to be careful and afraid of saying the wrong thing, offend others; do not have to be coy and put away small emotions, disguise themselves, then this is the most comfortable relationship.

And the most comfortable relationship I think is “know and see”, know each other’s pay, see each other are doing for each other to adjust. And to have someone who is willing to lead the way for a comfortable relationship is not condescension, but a higher perspective and pattern of dealing with the relationship, one of the inevitable dimensions of our life is to deal with the relationship between the internal and external worlds!

So, how do we create this “comfortable relationship”?

01

Appropriately reduce the sense of need

We all know that the easier it is to get something, the less we appreciate it. What we will cherish is something that is hard to get, or something that we have been striving for but still haven’t gotten, even if it’s not necessarily better than the one that is readily available, it will still be a dream for you. Today we are going to talk about how to make yourself comfortable while keeping the other person in their comfort zone as well.

In relationships, the sense of need is inversely proportional to your relative worth. The higher your sense of neediness, the lower your value to the other person. So no matter what, you can control your value by adjusting your level of neediness. That way you can be in the driver’s seat in your relationship. “When your sense of need is lower, the initiative is when you hold the tightest grip on the edge of your hand.”

After the sense of need is lowered through distraction, the attitude changes because he’s used to being needy, and after she lowers her sense of need he starts to think, “Am I less attractive?” “Is there something wrong with myself?” The word neediness is lowering for one person and raising for another. Easing down and lowering the sense of need appropriately can likewise help you reduce the gap and avoid unnecessary friction.

Love will often have such a state: two people match very high, who said very good match, but once together, friction, and ultimately get along with not long. The root cause of this is that the demand for love is too strong, but which section of love can reach a certain height from the beginning? The sense of need is too high, to each other caused by the pressure is huge. And one day out of the expected, will inevitably lead to mutual disappointment. If your relationship is in tatters, or you are salvaging, try to reduce the sense of need for love, reduce the pressure on him, you can harvest a more comfortable relationship it.

02

Communicate, but also communicate effectively

In the study found that some relatively happy marriages, marital conflict does not occur by both sides of the couple really solve, usually healthy couples learned to communicate and mingle in the psychological, learning to accept each other, and improve the method and ability to deal with conflict.

Because most of the conflict is between the couple’s different outlook on life and personality and different, lifestyle and personality differences caused by a person in these areas is very difficult to change. Many discordant couples do not fail to communicate with each other, but they adopt poor communication methods.

For example, always speaking in a reproachful tone, picking on the other person, using a harsh tone of voice, unforgivably targeting the spouse, always targeting the spouse for a particular behavior, or complaining all day long that the other person didn’t do this or that right and that it was all the other person’s fault. It makes the other person feel strongly that the problem is not with a particular incident or daily conflict, but with himself, and the message conveyed is all about denial – “it’s your fault, it’s your responsibility, it’s you who are the problem”, and thus is bound to produce strong bad feelings.

If married life is harsh and demanding from the beginning, it will slowly lead the couple to separation. It is usually women who are more prone to this, with strong, critical words, which, although they are not meant to be malicious, have a very serious effect. That’s why it’s usually better for women to use a gentler approach.

In fact, some couples fall in love with each other in the eyes of love, very happy, beautiful. And after marriage but feel that everything has changed, in fact, is excessive longing for married life, not yet ready to enter the reality of married life, produce expected loss. At this point both parties will blame each other for the other’s responsibility. This may be a way for them to protect themselves, but it is damaging to the marriage for both parties.

What do couples need to do to promote their relationship? How should they communicate effectively? For example, if the current attitude of the other party is overly aggressive, or even screaming for you to stay away, leave him alone, and ultimately pull the plug on you …… Try to let each other calm down for a period of time, which can be a few days, a week, half a month, but try not to exceed a month’s time.

During this period, repeat the previous two steps, constantly reflecting, try to reduce self-needs. And when this period of time is over, is the re-contact between you, at this moment the most critical or communication, keep a normal heart, talk about some light and happy, the less purposeful, the more he can re-enter the comfort zone. Everything step back naturally the sea is wide open, I believe that we recognize this point, life will also become full of charm and color, so communication is really important.

03

How to deal with contradictions to avoid conflict

Two different people, there will certainly be different places, and there are different, it is certainly easy to produce contradictions and conflicts. How should we deal with conflicts and contradictions? The average person is easy to die with each other to the end, however, such a die-hard and not much use, but it is a fight to win the position, lost the relationship. When you desperately want to prove to others that your point of view is the right one, think about this sentence.

If you want to know how to avoid conflict with the other person, then you have to think about what the source of the conflict is first. The reason you are in conflict is because you are on an opposing side, so the solution to the problem is obvious, just don’t be on the opposite side of the fence from the other person. In fact, if the other side said a point of view you do not agree with, you want to oppose, you can try to say this: “I think you have a point, and I think ……”, less use “but, but “Change it to “and”. You can be sure that others are right, and then express their own opinions, which will make others more willing to listen to your point of view, but also convenient to reduce the possibility of conflict. Sometimes right or wrong doesn’t really matter, because a lot of times the chat between lovers is supposed to be nonsense.

04

Balance between supply and demand

Do not impose your own needs on each other this point is actually very understandable, an analogy is that you think you want to eat pears, and then you think the other side also want to eat pears, so you do not care to give each other a carload of pears, but in fact, the other side wants just an apple. What you give the other person is not what the other person wants, but what you yourself think the other person wants.

It’s like the case I met before, a boy came to consult how to pursue his favorite girl, he was like this: “I must chase her, I decided to take a bouquet of flowers downstairs in her house every day to wait for her, she will be touched, and will definitely be with me.” After I heard that, I just felt bad, are you sure that the girl will like you to do this? Won’t this cause her problems? In fact, to impose their own needs on each other, reflecting the core problem is that you still do not know how to think differently. And thinking differently is always the first step in creating comfort.

Balance of supply and demand, this is very good to understand, if the other side sent you ten words, you only send a “well” to reply, you think the other side will not feel comfortable? Don’t let the other side feel that only they are paying, it is very easy to dispel the enthusiasm of the other side.

05

Private space, respectful distance

This is also how to get along with the lovers of the old topic, although it is said to be lovers, but the two sides are always still an independent person, or the need for personal independence part of life. Sometimes one of the couple’s sense of need is too high, need to stick together all day long or constantly chatting and talking, ten minutes to ask once, “What are you doing?” and an hour of phone calls to get bored. This will make the other person feel that there is no space for privacy, which will cause a lot of pressure on the other person, so that the TA feels oppressed and bound. The decline in comfort, which is the cause of many lovers to break up. You have to understand, lovers again love to death, ultimately still two people, when two people’s hobbies have conflict, must give each other a certain amount of private space.

Two people understand each other, tolerate each other, there is nothing more precious than such a friend. The most comfortable relationship is always “not to please”. You do not have to deliberately please me, I do not have to pretend to meet you, we understand each other’s shortcomings, but not as a mockery of each other; we know each other’s strengths, but will not put deliberately exaggerated, seem false.

No matter what kind of status and position you are, you each other are each other’s most precious people, who do not need to please who, who also do not need to be humble in front of who.

Life is just a few decades, it is not easy to meet a comfortable relationship. The world is too much false and too much fighting, if there is a person, can let you simply do yourself, do not hesitate, please be sure to cherish.

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