Understanding Love Personality, the First Step to Mastering Love

Love, I think everyone understands, is nothing more than that between men and women to cut a little more messy “broken things”.

Among them, there are bitter and sweet, there are happy and sad, some people do not know how to cherish and lose their partners, but there is also a painstaking but ultimately difficult and the beloved one to become a family.

But there is something called love personality you know?

This time, let’s popularize what is called love personality.

1. Love personality

Love personality, originated from the attachment theory put forward by the British psychoanalyst John Bowlby, is to study the separation anxiety produced by infants after leaving their parents.

Subsequently, a number of psychologists, including Michael Rutter and Mary Ainsworth, found that the effects of this attachment behavior carry over into people’s adulthood and are mainly highlighted in intimate relationships.

This led to the derivation of three different relationship personalities: the secure attachment personality, the anxious attachment personality, and the avoidant attachment personality.

The first is the Secure Attachment Personality, while the latter two are the Insecure Attachment Personality.

Later, according to psychologists Cindy Hazan and Philip Schaeffer’s classification scale, the adult attachment type is 60% secure and 20% anxious and 20% avoidant.

Secure attachment personalities are the more desirable lovers compared to the other two attachment personalities.

They are sensible, positive, inclusive, and serious about their relationships. It’s relatively easy to run a relationship with them, but it’s not completely stress-free.

They will have their own internal dead line of defense, if you repeatedly overstep, then ta will be unable to tolerate, and finally with you say goodbye.

Of course, today we focus on the so-called insecure attachment personality [anxious attachment personality and avoidant attachment personality].

2. Anxious Attachment Personality

We are in a relationship is not often have this idea:

          “Why is my significant other always hot and cold to me?”
          “I’ve made promises to TA many times that I won’t cheat on him, but TA still suspects this and that.”
          “Every time I go out to party with my friends, when I get there, ta starts making crazy life-threatening serial calls.”
          “TA checks my cell phone every day, making me feel like I have no privacy at all.”

If the above thoughts are apt to you more than 80% of the time, then congratulations, you are most likely happy to have a lover with an anxious attachment personality. They tend to be clingy, hysterical, moody, etc.

When in a relationship, they will often threaten the other person with love as a bargaining chip, such as, “Do you love me? If you love me you have to allow me to check your cell phone!”

And so on. During the course of a relationship, anxious attachment personality people are also the type of people who like to bring up breakups, and again, they regret them easily. So splitting up is also their normal operation.

In the face of secure attachment personality we have to learn to respect each other’s principle bottom line, but in the face of anxious attachment personality, we absolutely can not tolerate unconditional humility, we have to carry on positive communication with the ta, tell the ta where the problem is, and help the ta to grow.

3. Avoidant Attachment Personality

“Love you like hide-and-seek” This sentence can be a good interpretation of the avoidant attachment personality’s love routine.

“Whenever the topic of future planning comes up, TA always avoids it.” “I don’t think we have a future at all,” he says.

“I’m still hesitating to break up, but it turns out that TA has gone missing first.”

“I tell TA everything, but I know nothing about TA.”

The avoidant attachment personality often behaves like an enigma, and when you fall in love with them, you often become the insecure one. They have a mysterious color, like a warrior in a martial arts drama, moving around, drifting, full of uncertainty.

Sometimes, even after going to great lengths to try to please them, they will back off from your enthusiasm. It is also the clingy partner that they fear the most.

Therefore, people with anxious and avoidant attachment personalities will easily fall in love with each other in a relationship, and it’s almost impossible to make it to the end if neither of them is able to change their habits.

Most of the insecure attachment personalities are related to the family of origin, because of the lack of love or childhood did not get good emotional guidance. When they grow up, they naturally evolve into insecure attachment personalities.

We can according to the characteristics of different attachment personality to the seat, if you or your other half happen to be “hit”.

Then you don’t panic, insecure attachment personality in with the age of growth is also slowly to the security type personality attachment close to!

For them, we need a little more time and patience.

One thought on “Understanding Love Personality, the First Step to Mastering Love

  1. Emotions are beautifully messy, and this article celebrates that. It’s a wonderful reminder of our shared humanity.

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